Half-Baked
By Janet Carpenter
The magma in the chamber below the caldera began to respond to the pressure from deep in the core of the earth. Slowly rising, it pushed the gases filling the chamber through existing cracks, ever upwards, to escape into the atmosphere above. The magma reached toward the top of the chamber; super-heated rocks cracked and failed to hold the magma in. The pressure was building with nowhere to go...but up.
The acidic lake in the bottom of the collapsed crater began to boil from the intense heat of the magma below. In the recent past, the caldera was clear; the plumbing unblocked to allow magma to rise, form a lava lake within the crater, releasing pressure and gases in a relatively safe, if not visually awesome, manner. But this was different. Pele’s throat was blocked.
Like an inevitable pressure cooker with no release valve, the volcano finally blew. Hot ash shot up thousands of feet into the air, as the acidic lake water mixed with the dirt and debris from the collapsing sides of the crater, creating scalding mud. The lava, free at last, could now fountain and flow across the caldera once again.
The skies darkened. The blast had shot out following the weaker fault line towards the Ka’u desert in a pyroclastic cloud. However, the tiny village of Volcano to the northeast was not spared the fallout of hot ash and mud. Houses and cars, forests of o’hia and hapu’u, and one stubborn resident refusing to evacuate were all covered in ghostly gray ash, some buried in four feet of volcanic mud.
The area was deemed safe again hundreds of years later. Scientists and archaeologists entered the entombed area to study the culture of the people that had once lived there—much like what happened at Pompeii. The dwellings they uncovered revealed common lives of common people...house after house gave way to a hypothesis of ordinary lives, unremarkable for their time.
Then they discovered the temple. At first, it seemed an ordinary pyramid structure; but they chipped away at the cement-like volcanic covering and discovered the skeletal corpses of fourteen strange creatures.
The skeletons varied in size; but what they all had in common were fangs and claws. They were spread out beneath the bottom of the structure, leading the scientists to theorize these creatures had been guardians to the god at the top of the pyramid.
They found a secret passage to the top of the mud structure, inspected the chamber inside, and discovered its secrets. The remains of a fanged, claw-wielding guard lay by the door; perfectly positioned to question the comings and goings of the creatures within, but this guard was either immediately asphyxiated and curled up in the fetal position during the blast or was caught sleeping on the job.
The archaeologists picked their way through the preserved chamber. They found a great room with many artifacts but no bodies. They explored deeper into the bowels of the temple and discovered a throne room, complete with a sink for holy water and a baptismal tub. There was also evidence that the temple once had running water.
The final chamber revealed the most insight about the culture to date. It was an ornate room, and by the looks of the preserved furniture, an important room where much time was spent. A huge bed took up most of the space, and in the bed was the discovery of a lifetime. A body reclined on its side, forever sleeping in repose.
This body was not like the other creatures the scientists had found downstairs. This creature was once human. To better study the culture, they uncovered the form, careful to reveal the many lumps on and around the body. This person was covered in the skeletal remains of the same creatures outside the temple.
One creature was curled up in the fetal position behind the human’s knees; another nestled against what would have been the human’s stomach. The human corpse was also covered with the strange animals: one was draped across the body’s ankles, and another lay on top of the head—like a hat.
Another skeleton was positioned in what looked like a smothering posture on the human’s face; while another was snuggled to the chest, the human’s arms protectively around it. The final three creatures remained frozen in death, posed like loaves of bread: one on the human’s shoulder, one in the dip of the corpse’s waist, and the last one perched on the human’s hip.
The scientists and archaeologists stood around the bed in awe of the scene. They first thought they had found the god surrounded by the strange creature-servants but began to discuss the impact of the discovery.
“Wait,” said the lead scientist studying the corpse, “I know what this is. It’s not a god.” The other professionals in the room fell silent. “It’s a slave!”
The archaeologists looked stunned. The lead scientist continued. “This is the discovery of a lifetime! It’s NOT a myth or a legend, fellow scientists. We have discovered undeniable proof...of the Crazy Cat Lady.”
The magma in the chamber below the caldera began to respond to the pressure from deep in the core of the earth. Slowly rising, it pushed the gases filling the chamber through existing cracks, ever upwards, to escape into the atmosphere above. The magma reached toward the top of the chamber; super-heated rocks cracked and failed to hold the magma in. The pressure was building with nowhere to go...but up.
The acidic lake in the bottom of the collapsed crater began to boil from the intense heat of the magma below. In the recent past, the caldera was clear; the plumbing unblocked to allow magma to rise, form a lava lake within the crater, releasing pressure and gases in a relatively safe, if not visually awesome, manner. But this was different. Pele’s throat was blocked.
Like an inevitable pressure cooker with no release valve, the volcano finally blew. Hot ash shot up thousands of feet into the air, as the acidic lake water mixed with the dirt and debris from the collapsing sides of the crater, creating scalding mud. The lava, free at last, could now fountain and flow across the caldera once again.
The skies darkened. The blast had shot out following the weaker fault line towards the Ka’u desert in a pyroclastic cloud. However, the tiny village of Volcano to the northeast was not spared the fallout of hot ash and mud. Houses and cars, forests of o’hia and hapu’u, and one stubborn resident refusing to evacuate were all covered in ghostly gray ash, some buried in four feet of volcanic mud.
The area was deemed safe again hundreds of years later. Scientists and archaeologists entered the entombed area to study the culture of the people that had once lived there—much like what happened at Pompeii. The dwellings they uncovered revealed common lives of common people...house after house gave way to a hypothesis of ordinary lives, unremarkable for their time.
Then they discovered the temple. At first, it seemed an ordinary pyramid structure; but they chipped away at the cement-like volcanic covering and discovered the skeletal corpses of fourteen strange creatures.
The skeletons varied in size; but what they all had in common were fangs and claws. They were spread out beneath the bottom of the structure, leading the scientists to theorize these creatures had been guardians to the god at the top of the pyramid.
They found a secret passage to the top of the mud structure, inspected the chamber inside, and discovered its secrets. The remains of a fanged, claw-wielding guard lay by the door; perfectly positioned to question the comings and goings of the creatures within, but this guard was either immediately asphyxiated and curled up in the fetal position during the blast or was caught sleeping on the job.
The archaeologists picked their way through the preserved chamber. They found a great room with many artifacts but no bodies. They explored deeper into the bowels of the temple and discovered a throne room, complete with a sink for holy water and a baptismal tub. There was also evidence that the temple once had running water.
The final chamber revealed the most insight about the culture to date. It was an ornate room, and by the looks of the preserved furniture, an important room where much time was spent. A huge bed took up most of the space, and in the bed was the discovery of a lifetime. A body reclined on its side, forever sleeping in repose.
This body was not like the other creatures the scientists had found downstairs. This creature was once human. To better study the culture, they uncovered the form, careful to reveal the many lumps on and around the body. This person was covered in the skeletal remains of the same creatures outside the temple.
One creature was curled up in the fetal position behind the human’s knees; another nestled against what would have been the human’s stomach. The human corpse was also covered with the strange animals: one was draped across the body’s ankles, and another lay on top of the head—like a hat.
Another skeleton was positioned in what looked like a smothering posture on the human’s face; while another was snuggled to the chest, the human’s arms protectively around it. The final three creatures remained frozen in death, posed like loaves of bread: one on the human’s shoulder, one in the dip of the corpse’s waist, and the last one perched on the human’s hip.
The scientists and archaeologists stood around the bed in awe of the scene. They first thought they had found the god surrounded by the strange creature-servants but began to discuss the impact of the discovery.
“Wait,” said the lead scientist studying the corpse, “I know what this is. It’s not a god.” The other professionals in the room fell silent. “It’s a slave!”
The archaeologists looked stunned. The lead scientist continued. “This is the discovery of a lifetime! It’s NOT a myth or a legend, fellow scientists. We have discovered undeniable proof...of the Crazy Cat Lady.”
